Scripture Study--Cathryn

I loved your post, Melissa. I wanted to comment on it, but I figured I'd just start a new post since it's the topic of the month anyway.

You and I should be scripture buddies. I struggle with making the scriptures as big of a part of my life as I should, too, but it's for the exact opposite reason: I am the worst person in the world at sticking to a routine or keeping a schedule or establishing good habits. (Totally gross confession? It wasn't until COLLEGE that I consistently brushed my teeth every night.) Every single Sunday I get the impression that I need to read my scriptures every day, and every week I make it 2 or 3 days. When I pray about problems I'm having or trying to figure out a question, the answer is almost always that I need to read my scriptures every day, but do you think I could do that? Nope. I really do have a powerful testimony about the positive impact that consistent scripture study has on my life. To continue with a gross metaphor, it's seriously like the difference in the way your mouth feels if you don't brush your teeth on the days when I don't read my scriptures. Things seem harder; I have less patience; answers don't come as clearly or as readily. It's one of those principles for me that hinges really strongly on the law of obedience--that the Lord is bound when we do what he says--because even when I don't put much effort into thinking or studying or pondering about what I'm reading, I still get the same blessings of peace and patience in my life the rest of the day. I don't get the same insights and answers when I'm lazy about my reading, but it's like that simple act of opening the book for 5 or 10 minutes is enough to turn the key to unlock my spiritually strong self that day. It's such a simple thing and it makes such a difference for me...why is it that I can't just do it every day? What is so hard about that? All the excuses from previous times in my life (too busy with work or school, etc.) are completely gone now. My days are slow and pretty laid-back. I have more than enough free time on my hands. What is wrong with me that I can't keep this simple habit? Honestly, I feel pretty defeated about it right now. Help!! It's been stressing me out and making me sad for a long time now. You'd think I could figure out how to change. How do you have the willpower to make a good habit, Melissa?

As far as getting more out of scripture study goes...obviously I don't read them often enough to get too burned out, haha. Let's see. Right now for my personal study, I'm reading the Gospels. Elder Bednar came and spoke to our stake and gave this beautiful lesson about Christ's character, and he told us to go home and read the Gospels and 3rd Nephi and look for examples of when Christ "turned outward instead of inward," times when he was selfless instead of putting his own needs or wants first. His talk to us was actually kind of identical to this one, called "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality:" http://www.lds.org/liahona/2012/04/the-atonement-and-the-journey-of-mortality?lang=eng (That was published in this month's Ensign, but it's based on a speech he gave at BYU-I like 10 years ago or something. I think he's been speaking on this subject for a long time now, haha.) The talk has seriously changed my whole perception of the Savior and it's helping me see the same old scripture stories in a new light.

So this time through, I'm trying to see the names in the scriptures as real people, not just characters in a worn-out old story, you know? Like, it's completely amazing to me that Peter and his brother just stood up and left their nets in the middle of what they were doing when Christ summoned them. Would I just stand up from my teaching desk and walk out on my students and my job if some man I'd never seen before told me he was the Savior and asked me to? Would I recognize him? And I keep thinking about Matthew (the one that wrote the Book of Matthew). He was one of the original apostles. I wonder what it was like to be an apostle back then. I feel like sometimes we forget that our apostles now were (are!) real people with real lives and careers and families and weaknesses and strengths and stories, too. I like reading the Wikipedia articles about the apostles because it helps make them seem more real and human to me. Like, did you know that Elder Hales was the president of the company that makes Pond's face cream (the kind I use!) before he was called as a general authority? Or that Elder Perry threw the first pitch at a Red Sox game once? (Scott and I actually saw him at the grocery store in Salt Lake one time. He is SO tall. He's like 6' 5" or something--taller than Scott, and that's even when he hunches over from being so old!) Or that Elder Scott has a PhD in nuclear engineering and was on the team that designed the Navy's first nuclear-powered submarine and the first commercial nuclear power plant? It really helps me feel like the messages the apostles give are more meaningful somehow when I feel like they're human and likeable people. Like how we all love Elder Uchtdorf so much, right? He's so real. He talked about Harry Potter and Back to the Future at stake conference, for Pete's sake.

Anyway, so I'm trying to find details as I read about the people in the scriptures that make them seem more real to me. So like Matthew was a tax collector, which meant he was one of the wealthy class of Roman government contractors, but also that he was an outcast from Jewish congregations because he was only paid if he took enough money from them to meet his contract. How did he get along with the other apostles? What was it like to hear him preach? It's only one verse long, but I've been thinking a lot about the story where Matthew gets called to be an apostle. (It's in Matthew 9:9.) It sounds like Christ was basically just walking down the street with his incomplete quorum of the twelve, past the tax office in the capital city of the region (Capernaum), and he stopped, went in, and asked Matthew to follow him. And he did. He just walked out of his cushy, wealthy job and life and left to travel with the Savior. How did his family feel? What compelled him to go? The book of Matthew is basically his journal of how he remembers the couple of years where Christ was traveling and preaching. What would it have been like to be there? I bet they basically camped or slept in members' houses a lot. It must have been really hard, but also really amazing, of course.

The scriptures (especially the Gospels, I feel like) are often so many stories jammed together and told in just a bare-bones way that it's easy for me to brush past them and forget about how these are real people's lives. I feel like I get so much more out of them when I slow down my reading and just try to think of where each story starts and stops, and then think about what the details would have filled in like. And I think about what the story would be like if it happened today, or about what concept Christ is trying to teach. The more I read, the more I really think that the scriptures are written on so many levels. I'm trying to find that second level--that principle that stays true whether it's now or 200 years from now or 2000 years ago--that each story or sermon is trying to say, and then think about how I would take it if I heard it in conference or saw it happen in church on Sunday or something. I don't always find that principle, but probably more days than not, I can feel the spirit help me find an application of what I'm reading for my life that day.

So like on good days (when I remember!) I like to pray before I read and ask that the spirit will help me see something in my reading to help me know what to do today, or help me understand something that I need to know about people in my life, like how I could help someone else, or just to help me change whatever attitudes or perspectives I have in my life that aren't in line with God's. Or sometimes I'll ask in my heart while I read about things that people disagree about in the world--politics, parenting, whatever--and wonder what Christ's response would be if someone asked him about that. I spend a lot of time searching for examples of parenting advice in the scriptures, actually. It's hard if you're looking for specific things like "do you let a baby cry it out or not?" But just looking for how Christ teaches people who have a hard time understanding, or how he responds when someone does something wrong...sometimes I can find examples of ways I can teach and help Luke better.

And, okay, a lot of the scripture stories in Matthew talk about how people react to Christ's invitation to join the church. Living in a place where so few people are members has really made me think about that invitation--would I be Mormon if I weren't raised that way? How would it feel to be approached by the missionaries? Would I recognize the spirit and the message? How can we talk to people about the church in ways that brings them closer to Christ, instead of making them feel weirded out or something? Would I be brave enough to say what I should say if someone asked? How can I touch people's hearts and not just declare truth? Both are scary to me! In Matthew, a lot of Christ's followers were mocked or kicked out of their communities for joining with him, and a lot of times the same thing happened in the Book of Mormon. It seems like in the scriptures the church is always the minority and always looked at as being kind of weird, which feels very appropriate to me right now with Romney and the election and all the weird media coverage like Broadway musicals and all the Mormon.org stuff and living in "the mission field" and being in a branch and far away from family and everything everything everything. You know? It's a cool time to be a Mormon but also a crazy one.

Anyway, I'm super rambling now. Sorry. I guess I just feel like I get the most out of the scriptures when I spend just as much time (more time, really) thinking and wondering and just being still and listening as I do reading. And I feel like the (VERY) few times when I write those thoughts down in a journal, it's a lot easier for me to feel answers the next time I study. (Obviously I only try to read when Tornado Luke is sleeping, haha.) Elder Scott's last two conference talks, I think, were both awesome ones about receiving revelation--they're seriously so great & worth rereading. He talks a lot about how to record inspiration in a way that helps you receive more. Anyway. I just really need to put my words & feelings into action and actually COMMIT to making it a habit! Seriously, how do you do that??